Here I Raise My Ebenezer...

For those that know me, I believe that you would agree that I am typically not at a loss for words. More times than not, I offer an opinion with or without a request (and you can normally hear it from the next room). I analyze things to death. Then analyze why I would analyze something so much. I can cover the full range of emotions in a 24 hour period, and it happens more times than not. For those of you that don't know me, I can only confess that this is me in a nutshell.

But this week has been different. Well, sort of different.

In 7 days, I did cover a full range of emotions. However, even now, I'm not sure I can clearly voice them. I'm still sorting through the joy and the sorrow of it all. This week will surely be one of those weeks that I look back on as my Ebenezer...A memorial established in remembrance of what God has done for a person or group of people. Let's recap:

April 24: I spent Easter Sunday with my dear friends at Epic Church in San Francisco. Singing praises at the top of our lungs, building community with the city, and loving the hearts and lives of those around us in a very special way as we celebrated the resurrection of our Savior Jesus Christ. The one and only Conquerer of the grave, and Redeemer of our hearts.

April 25: On the flight home from San Francisco, my friend Mary Beth and I were called alongside a man who needed medical assistance. At 30,000 feet. Through our frantic recall of Nursing 101 and heartfelt prayer, the man was ok, and left in the hands of paramedics once we landed.

April 26: I returned to work, still exhausted, but so filled with joy and contentment from the happenings in San Francisco. God was beginning to prepare in me plans to go out into the world/country in some different capacity in the next couple of years. Still praying through that...

April 27: Several EF-4 Tornadoes ripped through my state. Leaving only devastation in their wakes. My college town of Tuscaloosa, hardest hit. Greatly suffering. Some lost all they had, some lost all they owned. Some lost faith in a good God. And some gained faith that they didn't even know they were capable of having.

April 28: With no power and the heaviest heart I can remember, I returned to work that morning. And the rest is a blur.

April 29: My friends from the GAP class at SMBC and I gathered supplies for our friends in Tuscaloosa and prepared our hearts and our hands to set out to help them. As the church, we knew that only the love of Christ can bring the peace that our dear neighbors so desperately needed. We were able to gather clothes, toiletries, food, and water to meet basic needs of those affected by the storms.

April 30: My brothers and sisters left Shades at 9:00am and arrived at Tuscaloosa Temporary Emergency Services with our supplies. Then met up with a group of friends from Calvary in Tuscaloosa to help clear trees off of some property. Property that, much to my surprise, belonged to my Freshman Sunday School teacher. I was overwhelmed as I looked at the remains of their house and grateful that I could hug her. Then through a work order from Samaritan's Purse, we also helped clear the backyard of a woman whose roof had been completely blown off of her house. In awe, and with a greater sense of mercy, grace, and brotherly love, we returned home. And gathered together for dinner after. Grateful. And bonded for life.

May 1: Church had a whole new meaning. And gratitude to be able to worship together rang clearer in my heart that morning. And rest that afternoon was tough but essential. After meeting with my senior girls that night, I settled into a seat at Workplay with my best friend. Desperately longing for music to help heal what had been broken that week. And through Drew and Ellie Holcomb, I breathed a little easier because of their music. Of their spirits. Their love for each other and for the Lord was refreshing. And cleaned away the sorrow for a bit.

And the week ended just as it began. In some common ways. In some very different ways.

Like I said, I am still unable to truly wrap my brain and my heart around the happenings of that final week in April, 2011. But I do know a few things:

*That God is good, and just, and a refuge for those who call on His name.

*That community is essential. True, authentic community with other people is God's plan for the church. And that the church is alive and well.

*We still have a long road ahead.

*Joy is different from happiness. And man, is it sweet.

*It's ok to not have all the answers, and to not know how you feel. As long as absolute Truth finds its way into your conversations and the character of Christ is woven in and out of who you are and what your hands find to do.

So, here I raise my Ebenezer. Remembering for years to come that My God is greater and able. He is good and Sovereign. And though, today, I am grateful for many things, and brokenhearted over just as many, I know that all is in His hands. And always has been.

John 16:33: "...I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

"Here I raise mine Ebenezer
Hither by Thy help I come
And I hope by Thy good pleasure
Safely to arrive at home
Jesus sought me when a stranger
Wondering from the fold of God
He, to rescue me from danger
Interposed His precious blood."

Forgotten? Or Never Learned?

I was talking to two sweet friends before Sunday School this morning. Sipping coffee. Talking about plans for our Sundays. Laundry, couch-time, naps: all made it into the mix. And then a very interesting concept was unearthed. We began to discuss how guilty we sometimes feel about just being still or not accomplishing anything from time to time simply because we are resting. And why is that? I think that our generation has been programmed to feel lazy if we aren't constantly checking something off of a list, or pushing hard toward the next big thing, or striving to be up-to-date on every major world news event. From a very young age, I can remember my mom encouraging me to be independent. And so goes the story with most of my friends. All of my closest friends are gainfully employed, living in their own homes/apartments, dreaming big and making plans. We have all been taught to be those people. And I am truly grateful. I think our parents weren't offered as many opportunities as we have been given, so they have played key roles in encouraging our success in life. Birthing a generation of busy bees and big dreamers.

So, welcome to our dream lives. And our dilemma. With the big plans come the worries, and the deadlines, and the booked planners. Our days are filled with appointments and errands. Guided by our plans and our paychecks. And somewhere along the way, we have forgotten how to rest. Or perhaps a greater tragedy: we have never learned.

I believe that God has blessed most of us with incredibly abundant lives. We have all we need and most of what we want. But how many days do you sit for longer than 30 minutes, dedicating your time to praising the One who makes it so? How often are you silent for more than an hour? How long do you even allow silence in general? If you're anything like me, you are failing in the area of rest.

Resting in God requires much more than being still, but it starts there. In the stillness, you become aware of your need to be filled with the Holy Spirit... of your inadequacy and gratitude for grace... of your love for Him through Christ. It is there that you hear from God. It is there that you obtain a posture of reverence. It is there that you honor God for your life of abundance. And whatever comes after the silence...whatever comes after the stillness...whatever comes after the rest becomes endurable because you have simply been with the King.

I'm still learning to rest. Join me?

Genesis 2:1-3: "So the creation of the heavens and the earth and everything in them was completed. On the seventh day God had finished his work of creation, so he rested from all his work. And God blessed the seventh day and declared it holy, because it was the day when he rested from all his work of creation."

Matthew 11:28-30: "Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

Abide.

{Oh, the blog-silence. (I seem to apologize a lot for that...)}

The past few weeks have been full of sweet moments. So many, in fact, that if I try to remember them all, I will inevitably miss the sweetest ones. So, take my word for it: February was good stuff. God has been teaching me so much. About rest, and life, and people, and the plans He has for me. All of which I have been fervently seeking to be faithful in. That's all I want. All I want from this life is for Him to be proud of me as His daughter...glorified as I live and love and serve. Among the things He's teaching me, He has brought me back to one word over and over and over: ABIDE.

The word 'abide' has been defined as the following...

...To wait patiently for.

...To withstand.

...To remain in a place.

...To continue to be sure or firm; endure.

...To dwell or sojourn.

You find this word a great deal in Scripture, more specifically in the New Testament and in Christ's teachings...

In John 15:9 Christ says, "For as the Father has loved Me, so I have loved you. So abide in my love." Earlier in that very same chapter, in verse 4, He says, "Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me." In 1 John 4:16, John states, "And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him. Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear..."

Over and over I see this call to dwell in God's love...this affirming truth that if He is who He says He is, and we know Him as we say we know Him, that this abiding is part of each of our lives as believers. In order to offer sweet and tangible proof of our faith...in order to bear fruit and live lives worthy of the good news...in order to live as God created us to live: one with Him.

Are you abiding in Him, dear friend? He so deeply wants you to do so. To wait patiently for His plans and His return. To withstand all that is against you as He stands with you. To remain in a restful, content place of peace with Him. To stand firm in His power. To endure with perseverance the race that you are running. And to dwell in His love.

Let His love seep into your heart. Let His power be yours. Abide in His love.

Life. Captured.

As a Core Group, we adopted Jeremiah 17:7 as our verse this year. It says: "But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence." We are learning to make this true for our lives. I, along with them. They, alongside me. For that's how its been for years. And I can't wait to see who they grow to become in and through Christ, our Savior. Here are some sweet moments from this weekend, captured on film. Snapshots of lives longing to make the Lord their hope and their confidence.

Psalm 34:8-14: "Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. Fear the LORD, you his holy people, for those who fear him lack nothing. The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing. Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD. Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days, keep your tongue from evil and your lips from telling lies. Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it."

Ask and You Shall Receive.

I do not consider today's events to be circumstance. Nor do I believe that the thoughts of my heart expressed in yesterday's post were brought to mind by happenstance. For today, I have heard the voice of the Lord. Loud and clear.

I was winding down on my couch tonight after a really crazy work day, when my mind raced to the thought: "I just really hope that everything goes well at work tomorrow. I really want tomorrow to be a good day." And instantly, worry set in. Did I do everything I needed to do today to take good care of my patients? Did my coworkers believe that I made the right decisions today? Will I ever make a really big mistake at work? All of those questions that invade your faith. Attack your peaceful thoughts. Yeah, those are the ones that I allowed to creep in tonight. But almost as quickly as they came, Scripture came to mind. That truth that I have hidden in my heart: Therefore do not be anxious...do not worry about tomorrow...pray about everything...when my anxious thoughts are many, Your consolation brings me joy.

I was reminded in those moments that worry should not be my concern. I should even rejoice in my struggles. I cannot remember a time when I have experienced so much spiritual warfare. From the moment that I started this incredible job, my heart has been torn and stretched and challenged and broken and encouraged more than any other time I can quickly call to mind. I have prayed more fervently, and trusted His sovereignty with greater abandon (because let's be honest, in the OB world, things can change in a heartbeat). And I consider it great joy. Because I know that if God was not being glorified in that clinic, that I would have no trouble at all. I know that if something bigger than me was not being carried out, that I would breeze through each day without a care. But since I do deeply care for these women and my coworkers, I struggle. And that's ok. Because He is bigger. And more able than I to take care of my patients and those around me. So here's to resolving to trust rather than worry. And to throw harder punches at an Enemy that wishes to see me give up on a profession that is showing people who Christ is. Bring it on.

Psalm 94:19-- "When the cares of my heart are many, Your consolations cheer my soul."

Philippians 4:6-7-- "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

The Voice of the Lord.

Often in my conversations, and in my own heart, this question comes: "But how do I know that this voice that I hear is the Lord's?" It comes after a friend shares her dream and a potential opportunity to realize it. It comes when two choices lie on the table and you feel pulled toward one. It comes when you feel an uneasiness about a particular situation or relationship. As a believer...or maybe just in my own life...I hear/speak these words often.

Scripture speaks to this.

Christ says in John 10 that: "...The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice..."

The psalmist writes in Psalm 29 that: "...The voice of the LORD is over the waters; the God of glory thunders, the LORD thunders over the mighty waters. The voice of the LORD is powerful; the voice of the LORD is majestic. The voice of the LORD breaks the cedars..."

In 1 Kings 19, we read that: "...The LORD said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave."

Now, I know what you're thinking: All of these passages say something different about recognizing the voice of the Lord. And if that's what you're thinking, then you'd be right. The truth is, I can't tell you how to determine the Lord's voice in your life. Because it's your life. Your relationship. And your familiarity with God determines your ability to hear Him...to recognize and follow His voice. In one moment, His voice might be obvious and clear. In another, it may be still...quiet. Sometimes, it may be easy to hear... Other times, it may take deep faith to believe that He is speaking in a certain way. But however He chooses to speak to you, know this: He is sovereign. And no matter what His voice sounds like...or how His hand moves in a life, you can be sure that it is perfectly done. I am grateful for that.

Jeremiah 29:11-13: "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart..."

John 10:7-10: "...Therefore Jesus said again, “Very truly I tell you, I am the gate for the sheep. All who have come before me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep have not listened to them. I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. They will come in and go out, and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

Silence = Underrated.

I apologize for my blog-silence since Christmas Eve! I assure you that the reason for it is not because I have lacked things to write about. Quite the opposite! So many wonderful things have happened since December. And its hard to recap all of it, so I will hit the high points...

* My best friend became engaged to the love of her life (they will be married August 20, 2011)
* I rang in the new year with sweet friends and shared my first meal of 2011 with the dearest of these (Supper Club will celebrate 3 years this summer)
* I learned to play Nerts (And have stayed up way past midnight multiple nights playing it-- for those of you that know me, you know that this behavior is not commonplace. Thus, 2011 has me turning over a new leaf...maybe.)

*My sweet friend, Amanda, got to say goodbye to the NICU and take her little man, Laine home for the first time.
* I have been preparing for two very important speaking engagements: Progress 2011 (A UAB OB/GYN conference that will take place at the end of February), and Kidz Blitz (took place this weekend)

*We kicked off our very last Core Group Semester! (I've had the sweet opportunity to watch these girls grow since they were in the 9th grade, and this year they will graduate High School to begin their college lives.)
* I had the incredible opportunity to travel across the country to San Francisco to reunite with some dear friends there. In their faithfulness, these friends moved their lives there in response to God's call to plant a church in the heart of the city. Epic Church had their fourth preview service while I was there and will begin weekly services starting February 13 ( find out more by visiting www.epicsf.com) I was both blessed and equally burdened by my time there. Blessed by their hearts, our God and His plans, and by the city itself. Burdened by the tremendous need for the gospel in San Fran, and by the spiritual darkness present in the hearts of its people. But the beauty most definitely outweighed the pain. Knowing that God is up to something big there and that my friends are running the race with such grace...that is a beautiful thing. Continue to pray for all that call Epic home. For all that will call Epic home. And for all that are touched by the God of that city and all others under the sun.


Speaking of silence. I spent the last hour of my drive home today in complete silence. And let me tell you, it was simply beautiful. While God has given me so many opportunities to speak, and to listen, I was reminded that some of my sweetest times with Him are spent in silence. So again, I apologize for the lag in blog updates, but remember that silence is golden from time to time.



Below are some pics from my January adventures...

My sweet hostess, Lindsey Lee, took me to work with her :)

I thoroughly enjoyed Bring-Your-Friend-To-Work Day at the Epic Office in San Fran!

Shauna and the boys introduced me to the yummiest breakfast restaurant!

Oh yeah, she's making muffins from a handwritten recipe book :)

Epic Preview Service!

View from the top of the W Hotel where Epic Church meets...

Golden Gate Bridge...

Saturday morning, Kristin, Shauna and I headed to the Farmer's Market for some shopping fun!

Some San Franciscans enjoying their spoils...

Blue Bottle Coffee: Josh Hamilton's favorite.

Bay Bridge!

These are truly a San Francisco treat :)

A fun store in Noe Valley...

The Painted Ladies!

This is how we descend big hills in San Fran. Like a roller coaster :)

Lombard Street...

Classic.

While I was gone, baby Laine went home with his mommy and daddy Cutcher!