Warning: Girly Post.

Again, I'm banking on the fact that few people read this blog...AND that the people who do actually know my heart pretty well. Because to the casual acquaintance, I will sound like just another silly girl by the last sentence of this post. (Hence the title.)

The short of it: today, my heart simply aches for the man that only God knows I will someday marry. Not for any one good reason, really. I just get anxious sometimes, because I know that being a wife is a witness I haven't had the opportunity to have yet. And today, I long to be her. For him. Now, I am no delusional college kid that believes she must get married right away in order to have any real meaning to her life. I'm no clingy, dependent, gotta-have-a-man-to-feel-complete kind of girl. (Just ask anyone who knows me). And I'm quite certain that I don't even believe in "the one" (I hear gasps but it's true). I just have faith that the Lord knows my heart better than even I do; and that in doing His will, He leads us to the places and people that draw out the characteristics within us that glorify Him the most. I believe that husbands love wives in a way that I haven't felt. And wives love husbands in a way that I haven't been able to pour out yet. BUT I know that when I do have those opportunities that I will love and be loved in a new way. Furiously. Passionately. Simply. And I know that will glorify my Father. I also know that it will open my heart to a new way of loving Christ, and being loved by Him. Silly, I know. But He created marriage to represent His love for us, so I believe that it makes sense to think that until we enter into marriage, we might not understand love as well as those who have. I look forward to that in a real way today.

You see, I long to have someone to come home to. To tell my stories to. To sing to. To listen to. To make plans with. To fall deeper in love with Christ with. To laugh and cry with. To be silly with. To unload my soul's deepest dreams and worries on. To bear burdens with. To dance barefoot in the kitchen with. To let my walls down with. To pour love into.

But greater than this desire is my desire to want what God wants for me. So I will continue to live this incredible life He's blessed me with...Pouring out my energy and heart and soul everyday. Knowing that He will fill me again. He alone will fill me. He alone will satisfy. (Oh, what a tug-of-war this heart feels when it comes to its dreams and His dreams).

I do not know what tomorrow will bring. But I do know the One who does. If it means I spend the rest of my life serving alone, so be it. But if it means that I will someday have someone to call mine, then this blog entry is for him. Beloved, I know not where you are. Who you are. But I'm here waiting. And all the while, living. Please do the same.

Much love,

K